carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
