:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
