I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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