He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
