After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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