Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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