He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
