Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
