Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
