Can i not drive my cunt home
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
