whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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