not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
