I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
