am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
