I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
