my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
