Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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