So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
