I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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