Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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