either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
