Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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