Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
