you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
