Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
