Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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