That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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