I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
