and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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