areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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