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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
