I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
