and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
