I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
