This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
