I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
