we're blogging at a bar
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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