loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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