Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
