Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
