Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
