Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
