well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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