Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
