Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
