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Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
