you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
