Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
