i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
