I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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