he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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