It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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