Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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