chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
