I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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